Not speechless, nor silent, but painting the sky.

“On that day, I fell from the sky and began to fade to white.”  

I had two choices: to stay on the ground and live on as a wounded bird, or get off the ground and get back in the air where I belong. I decided to fight back, and I won, but I also lost something near and dear to me: my voice.  I had been silenced, a fate worse than falling for a woman who makes her living with words.  

I found my words, and my voice.  Now three years later, I am sitting across from a business woman and community leader whom I respect very much talking about the importance of women having a voice in business and politics.   Where did we lose our voices along the way and how do we get them back, we wondered. 

Business and politics is about having an intention and purpose that serves others and actions that follow. If it is self-serving, it will likely fail.  As a business planner for over 20 years, I can say that with 99% certainty.  I also believe that self-serving people do not deserve success.  

Let me explain.  Three years ago, I had a head on collision between my values and a moving train.  I was wounded to the core, my ego crushed and my existence up to that time wiped out as if it had never been.

At first I thought I could just hit a reset button and go back.  But that was impossible.  It was as if I had passed through a time warp machine, and the past, where I had flourished at one time, was lost to me. I tried to swallow the pain, but the more I swallowed, the more silent and afraid I became. 

But still the stories played over and over in my mind. What had happened. Why it happened.  How it happened.  Why it hurt so much. Why was I stuck in this never ending story?  And so I did the only thing I know how to do: I wrote me way through it  . . . 39 drafts, 82,000 words over two years to find the words that would eventually become  "How to be Pink Flamingo in a Brown Duck Pond”, Book 1, 2 and 3.

Book 1 is subtitled 'Standing Up and Standing Out’, which tells the story of bullying in the work place, who it happens to and why it happens.  Book 2 is subtitled ‘Learning to Fly’ which tells the story of how to deal with it, and Book 3, subtitled “Painting the SKY” tells the story of acceptance and moving beyond to past to the future.

With each draft and each iteration, my voice returned, word by word, as I began to understand my part in my story.  As I began to understand myself and the answer to the question ‘Who I am’,  I was no longer afraid, but more importantly, ready to accept responsibility for my own words and my values.

Breaking the Silence in the Dress of my Dreams

In October 2012, I officially broke my silence when I bought SKY Magazine taking a leap of faith in myself. I remember sitting across the table from the former owner and publisher after signing the documents, and she reached across the table to shake my hand and said “Congratulations. You are a publisher.”  “I am a publisher”,  I said to myself.

45 days later, in December 2012, I launched my first SKY, which I called The White Issue. I wore a sequinned gown which is now the cover of my book. That dress is and was my way of saying, “I’m back. Deal with it.”  This is my dedication statement.

“A flamingo is a flamingo and shall never a duck be.  And when we find the music, we dance a little wiser. When we fly, we paint the sky.”  - How to be a Pink Flamingo in a Brown Duck Pond, Painting the SKY

Two years later, SKY Magazine has been the wings that carries me to freedom.  SKY is the voice of those who are learning to fly and painting the sky.   It is my voice, and my opportunity to help others find their voices too.

Over the past two years, I have created a business doing what I love for people who love what they do.  I tell stories, and I promote their businesses - relentlessly as if they were my own. I mentor when I can and I learn from them as well.  Each issue is my story as much as it is theirs. They are my wings, and I hope I am theirs.

SKY has given me the courage to release “How to be a Pink Flamingo in a Brown Duck Pond”, which is truly my voice being freed from captivity.

Every day I meet people of all walks of life and status who have the courage to follow their vision and have a voice.  I admire that, and I am honoured that they place their trust in me.

I learned that finding voice and having a voice takes time and encouragement, but most importantly, it begins with having the courage to do what I love with reckless abandonment and find a way to make it useful to others.  Looking back, falling from the sky brought me to this place to giving back.  It’s not only my voice, but my home.