Lynn Talk: Why 50 is the new 20.

Meg Jay: Why 30 is not the new 20. 

Today I received a Ted Talk by Meg Jay entitled “Why 30 is not the new 20.” My youngest daughter sent it to me while she was waiting for her connecting flight in Calgary.  She is a 20 something following her passion in Vancouver.

Meg Jay’s underlying theme is that 20 somethings really matter because she believes that every single 20 something needs to know that claiming one's 20s is the simplest and most transformational thing a person can do for him or herself, and possibly the world.

She talks about the ‘aha’ moments that make one’s life happen in the 20’s, that the actions that we take in our 20’s that follow us through life.

When I was in my 20’s, there was zero awareness about how to prepare for life. We were often ejected from our homes upon grade 12 graduation if not before, married young to a boy in the neighbourhood, and had babies. We worked crappy jobs. Some got government jobs, which might classify in the aforementioned category.  And because we had babies, we had homes with neighbourhoods and schools. Looking back, we were living our parent’s lives as we saw them.

Except for one difference. Where I was raised to be quiet and accept the authority of others, I raised my children to be defiant. I remember as a young mother wanting my children to feel safe in questioning absolutely every thing they learned in school, in church and even at home.  I wanted them to be self - reliant, courageous, thinking people.

I wanted for them what I wished someone had wanted for me.  

In my 20’s I got married and had children and did all the jobs I never wanted to do again, from being a receptionist and a file clerk to selling investments.  In my 30’s I completed two degrees in University including a Bachelor of Journalism and Communication’s degree.  I wanted to be a writer and journalism seemed to be the best way to achieve that goal.

I began my professional life as a weekend reporter for the local newspaper while working in a communications department for less than half of what my counterparts were making, but I was happy with that, because I was learning and growing both professionally and personally.

In my 40’s I set a goal to become an executive, and so I became a corporate planner, working long days and nights, proving myself in boardrooms, climbing the hill of vision and up the corporate ladder all the way to corner office on the executive floor.  By the time I was 49 with a corner office, I was making six figures and I thought my life was set all the way to retirement. Until one day, and then it wasn’t.

Over the years of raising daughters dealing with life’s issues from grades to boyfriends, I developed a list of what I want for my children.

I want them to live fulfilled lives.
I want them to be defiant, to practice imperfection, to avoid rooms with no doors, and to learn to listen to the voice within.
I want them to follow their heart and follow their passion.
I want them to fall in love with people who would stand in front of a moving train for them, and if not, I want them to kick that person to the curb without hesitation.
I want them never to ‘suck it up’.
I want them to have enough money to live a comfortable life, but not so much that they may squander their time in false security.
I want them to know the answer to the question that will take them through life: Who am I.
Most of all, I want them to know something that nobody ever told me: that we all have wings, and we were all meant to fly. 

These lessons are from my heart, not from someone’s book.  These are the lessons of my life learned and earned, as a mother, wife and employee, who spent 20 years building a career and gilding my cage for the promised land of pension and freedom to finally live, and giving my children the kind of life that would give them the luxury of freedom.

Now I am 52, and because I learned these lessons well, I am starting over regaining who I should have been, not who I believed I had to become. I am grateful for all the experiences along the way and the many teachers, especially one terrible boss who pushed me to my limit that day.  Had that not happened, I might still be dressing up like a brown duck every day and going to work and playing Russian Roulette with my life, time and talent.

Today I am exactly where I wanted to be in my 20’s - I am a writer and a publisher - but I took a 30 year detour raising a family, and working in the corporate sector in business, communications, strategy and governance before I found myself with an open road and the courage to follow it.

Asking myself, what would I do if I could not fail, I answered, and now I publish a magazine and my first book is on its way.  I am a business consultant specializing in strategy for entrepreneurs, and I am a yoga teacher. But I am not finished yet.  I still feel the wind carrying me to new places that will take me further away from where I have been. I am still changing. Still learning to fly.

There are times when I feel like I wasted time getting here, which is something I hope my daughters never experience.  I have to remind myself of what I have learned along the way and what and who it was for.

In my first 20’s, I did set a path that I later walked. I married young and had children with no education.  I pursued two University degrees in my 30’s when I could see the writing on the wall - that my daughter’s choices would be diminished if I did not.

As I am now in my new 20’s, I have a lifetime of knowledge and a lifetime of learned limitations that I need to ditch.  So as my daughters learn about who they are, I am learning how not to be what everyone thought I should be.

I remind myself and them every day, that we all have wings, and that we were all meant to fly. Even me in my new 20’s.