Book 1 and The Darkness of Day

About a year ago, I started to write Book 1 of "How to be a Pink Flamingo in a Brown Duck Pond".  The book is about the day I fell from the sky and began to fade to white, and how I learned to fly again.

I wrote 22 drafts of the text in the 3rd person in an effort to distance myself from the story and create a safe environment for me to tell this story. On the 23rd draft, I switched to the first person and 4 drafts later, I handed 'Book 1'  over for legal review.

I knew there would be risk in telling this story, because there is a system that prevents these stories from being shared, and my story flies in the face of that system.

Bullying is getting a lot of attention in the media, but workplace bullying is quite silent because it tends to be kept behind closed doors. Progressive organizations with constructive cultures likely have safeguards in place to protect people at work. But not all organizations are progressive, and those cultures that are not constructive are more likely fear based and by definition, destructive to the people in their employ.

Research showed me that that over 80% of people will experience bullying or harassment at some point in their working lives. The way the individual deals with it and his or her perceived choices differs.  Some people stay and hope for change, while others leave and rebuild their lives.

There is no way to eradicate bullying and harassment in the work place or at school for that matter because it comes down to what is allowed and that is purely a subjective process given the tolerance of the individual leaders and their environment.

I believe that bullying is a leadership issue, be it a CEO, a Board member, a Principal of school, a boyscout leader, a teacher or a parent.

The test is how bullying is dealt with at the top in the leadership ranks where it can do the most damage. If it is tolerated there, it is also likely that this organization is not going to change unless there is a change of heart at the Board or shareholder level.

My book defines bullying as one who would seek to control others through negative means.  I describe them as having low social and emotional intelligence. The higher the ranks, the more dangerous this individual becomes because he or she can, by will, negatively impact people in a very personal way.

Of course, there is the argument that people make mistakes, and once they know better, they can do better. But do destructive leaders deserve this room for error? That is a question of tolerance. In an organization where there is little tolerance for the bad treatment of people, the answer would be different than for one where bad treatment of people is overlooked.

As individuals, we have little control over those who control our income and our livelihood unless we generate our own. In the workforce as an employee, the best we can do is practice healthy living so that we are able to manage the storms. Sometimes we live and work in denial because we don't want to give up the pay cheque so we make deals with ourselves.

In the brown duck world of work, we become practiced at heading for the weeds to avoid confrontation, and we tend to look away when we see others being targeted or treated unfairly, and be thankful that it's not us.

Admittedly, I made one too many deals with myself. I knew I should have flown long before I did. I knew a storm was brewing but I hoped the sun would shine again. I became the sitting duck. The flamingo without a flock. When the rain of nails came, it was too late.

Book 1 is about an experience at work that changed my life, not because of the experience itself, but because of the way it affected me.

What surprised me was how much it hurt. It took me quite a while to understand why. Yes, I was disappointed, betrayed and my ego was beaten to a pulp and I was angry.

Over time, I have worked to distill the  facts from the emotions by writing about it and asking questions of myself, like "who do I think I am in telling this story" and "why does this hurt so much" and "what have I learned".  Writing it down for an intended audience kept my emotions in check as I wanted to be helpful and constructive, not hurtful and destructive in my response.

I realized at the bottom of this epochal moment in my life was the fact that this was the first time I had ever been made to feel afraid.

The process of writing the book was indeed the light that kept me moving forward, restoring my voice and helping me to understand my fear.

Through the writing process which ran parallel to attempts to rebuild my professional life, I realized that I could never go back to that environment and that I had no desire to work for somebody every again.

I set out to locate the person whom I was yet to be, and in the course of that journey, found my way back to the place that I had always intended to be some day.

My someday plan was to publish this book and share this experience for good.
I have decided that Book 1 will remain hidden in the darkness of that day for the time being until the environment changes and the powers that be are ready to see their true selves in the mirror.  Book 2 will focus on living in colour and inspiring healthy, active and happy lives every day, not just some day.

Moving forward, that day of darkness will always be there regardless of whether it is printed. There is a shining light in every moment. It will be the day that I found my strength to fight back and resolve to rise up again in full colour and inspire others to do the same.